Dear Anupriy: Letter#13
(This letter is part of an epistolary series Speaking Our Souls and is a response to Letter #12. If you wish to start from the beginning, you can look at the list here)
Quoting from your last letter,
But I have realised that waiting for inspiration to wash over me enough for it to come out in an expressive form is like expecting a tornado to sweep through a junkyard and assemble a Boeing 747***
That made me laugh a lot. Such an accurate description! It is the hardest aspect of creativity…manifesting the ‘unmanifest’. I am sorry if that sounds like art jargon. It probably is, thanks to my renewed interest in self-education. Even the idea of penning a letter, weaving words and thoughts meaningfully, can be daunting as well. Perhaps why I thought I could present you with a stream-of-conscience pseudo-poetry to make up for my frustration with sentence construction. In my defence, my intentions were well founded (or were open to psychiatric experimentation)
On the other hand, in the weeks prior to writing to you, I think I lost my mojo. I was feeling low, clueless and despondent. Considering this is a new life post my exit from a job, I expected that there will be a lull after the high. And it’s good that I went through it. It was about time to consolidate what I would like to pursue in life and prune what I wouldn’t. While the chaos of creativity will continue to be refreshingly inviting, it’s time to focus and pull my energies closer. It’s time to build my life with conviction, with sure-footed steps into an uncertain future.
I think that’s an important theme for this new path we both are ploughing fresh. In this entropic, enervating world, I want to find the centre of stillness and stability. And surprise, surprise, it probably anchors within me (or in my bathroom mirror? :D). We may have wanted to change our immediate circumstances at our jobs to understand what is bothering us, but I don’t think it ever was our immediate circumstances. It was us, hiding behind those, trying to figure out what our core really wants or searches for. And before I move on to another place, I want to define the mould of my core. It shouldn’t be easy for any new employer/client/collaborator to fill it up the way they know best.
Perhaps why I am enjoying my recent illustration work so much. It’s slow, meditative and rewarding. I feel like I am giving life to the characters that live somewhere near the tip of my pen. I am rediscovering the aspects of my work process that I enjoy and would like to take forward. At the same time,
I am attempting to roll around in the lottery ball to discover new slots to snuggle in.
This is it from my side. Looking forward to exploring this newness with you by my side.
Yours sure-footedly,
Roh
